Essence and Equanimity - Questions For Your First Psychotherapy Appointment

As we step into 2026, I want to take a moment to wish you a connection-filled and centering start to the year, one that already promises to be full of all kinds of changes on local, national, and worldwide stages. The beginning of a new year often brings reflection, hope, and sometimes pressure—but here, we move thoughtfully.

My wish for you is not that you attempt to swan-dive into a soup of New Year’s resolutions to become someone new, but that you continue letting go of who you think you’re supposed to be in order to become more and more of who you already are, without overreliance on exhausting defense mechanisms that might no longer be serving us as they once did when we were growing up. (Look, any and all of the defense mechanisms can be useful in the right amounts and contexts, but there really, truly can be too much of a good thing sometimes.)

Three questions to consider before starting your individual psychotherapy:

1.      Who is it that you’re really trying to become more of this year?

2.      What relational patterns would you like to let go of—especially with respect to how you relate to you (e.g., self-talk, fitness, nutrition, and better wind-down and sleep habits), and how you relate to others in family, work, social, perhaps spiritual, and any other domains that are important to you?

3.      Related to the above, particularly if you’re thinking about starting psychotherapy, what are the internal, emotional changes that you would like to make, would that you could? (You can think of this question in this open-ended way, or rework it into something like, “I’d like to be less reactive and more in the mode of responding,” or “I’d like to learn how to replace xyz in this type of situation with a more authentic abc response once and for all.”

Things are changing quickly and dramatically in this era--this unique political moment, as some refer to it. In times of increasing uncertainty, we know that anxiety and fear easily can fill the space (and the headspace). Regardless of your chosen or circumstantial path, you want to be able to cultivate as much equanimity as possible.

Try to imagine yourself striking the balance between focusing on all that you need and want to get done, as well as the things you might need to prepare for, while also rising above the vertigo-inducing events and headlines on a regular basis. Maybe it helps to remind yourself---in a sort of Neil deGrasse Tyson or Carl Sagan “Cosmos” kind of way---that our physical selves, and everything around us, happen to be a giant collection of atoms in various amalgamations. What I mean by that is, rather than allowing yourself to get whipsawed by each and every event, with its headlines and graphic footage, I hope that you'll balance that care and concern with a perspective from a higher view and a longer timeline. It's that broad-view perspective that allows us to get sufficient sleep, nutrition, and exercise, so that we can be present, prepared, useful, and effective, especially in our relationships and our work.

And, with or without help from other person, try to decide with some consideration and intention how you want to be in this period of your life. As you sweep fear off to the side, you'll find that you will live your life more in accordance with your true values, and as honestly, bravely, and authentically as you can.